


Do you think this is easy for me?

by MissFanficWriter



Category: Emmerdale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6207700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFanficWriter/pseuds/MissFanficWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aaron takes his anger out on Robert the night before Gordon's trial, will Robert stay by his side?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you think this is easy for me?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick one-shot. Let me know in the comments what you think. Kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Warnings: mentions of rape.

“Hey.” Aaron said quietly, staring down at the ground, his foot nervously kicking the gravel on the path as Robert opened the front door.

It was late but Aaron had been unable to sleep, he’d spent the past few hours lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and just thinking about the trial tomorrow. His heart pounded as he thought about facing Gordon tomorrow, having to look at the man that was supposed to protect him, the man who was supposed to have been his father. Aaron choked back tears, rolling over to sit up as he retched at the memory of what Gordon had done. He felt himself shiver and knew that there was only one person who could make him feel better.

Robert rubbed his eyes, quickly waking himself up. “Aaron, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just couldn’t sleep.” Aaron mumbled.

Robert watched him, the man he loved. He could see Aaron slightly shivering in his hoodie from the cold night air, his eyes red from crying. He slowly reached out his hand and entwined his fingers with Aaron’s, gently pulling him inside. As Robert closed the door, they stood still in the hall, both of them just staring. Aaron felt his heart beat settle in to a rhythmic pattern, finally feeling more peaceful from being with Robert. However as much as he wanted to accept the comfort Robert offered, he couldn’t forget the words Gordon had said to him. Aaron knew he was damaged, messed up. He quickly pulled his hand away, unable to accept Robert’s love, he didn’t believe that he deserved it.

Robert tried to hide his disappointment, he knew Aaron needed time. He’d told Robert that he wanted to be just friends and Robert willing accepted his conditions. He couldn’t imagine his life without Aaron and if friends was all that was available then he’d take what he could get.

“Do you want tea, or a beer?” Robert whispered, careful not to wake Adam and Victoria who were soundly asleep upstairs.

Aaron shrugged, he knew what he wanted, he just couldn’t find the words to say it. He looked up at Robert, his eyes pleading with Robert to understand. Nervously hiding his hands in his sleeves, Aaron looked around the room, his eyes settling on a picture of himself and Adam. He missed those days. Days when he was happy, when no one knew what he’d been through. Now, wherever he went he could feel eyes upon him, judging him, pitying him, just staring at him. Sometimes he wished he could be invisible, even just for one day, just to walk through the village without everyone seeing him as the boy who was raped. He could feel Robert’s eyes upon him now but he refused to meet his gaze. What Robert thought mattered more than Aaron would ever admit. He couldn’t bare to see Robert looking at him like he’d changed. He knew Robert had told him that he still wanted him, that he still saw him like that. But sometimes from his peripheral vision, Aaron caught him staring like he was a broken toy, something fragile that needed careful handling. 

Aaron knew Robert couldn’t help it, this was hard on him too. He didn’t know what to say or do to make it better. But he couldn’t help feeling angry at Robert for treating him differently. He still wanted the passion and the lust Robert had always shown him but part of him felt that Robert would never want him like that again. He felt his frustration and anger at Robert grow, he knew it was unfair, he even knew that he wasn’t truly angry at Robert but he wanted to lash out and Robert was just there. He slowly clenched his fists and turned towards the door, it had been a mistake to come here.

“I should go, this was a mistake.” Aaron said.

“Aaron, wait.” Robert said urgently, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. He turned Aaron around to face him. “Just tell me what you want.”

Aaron allowed himself to look at Robert. His blonde hair unkempt from bed, his blue eyes, his mouth that curved up in to the smirk that Aaron both loved and hated in equal measure. He wanted to see that smirk again, not just the look of pity in Robert’s eyes. 

“You.” Aaron whispered, before he pushed Robert against the wall, crashing his lips against Robert’s. 

Aaron felt Robert’s reluctance, his hands moving up to Aaron’s chest to gently push him away. Brushing his tongue against Robert’s lip, Aaron heard him groan.

“Aaron, wait.” Robert said, breathlessly.

Before Robert had chance to push him away, Aaron pressed his mouth to Robert’s again, sliding his tongue in to his mouth. He felt Robert’s hands on his hips pulling him closer, momentarily losing himself within the kiss. However as Aaron moved his hand down to the hem of Robert’s t-shirt, Robert quickly pushed him away.

“Stop.” Robert said, breathing heavily.

Aaron felt it in his heart, it hurt to be rejected by him. Even though he knew in his head that Robert was trying to do the right thing, in his heart he still didn’t believe that Robert could ever love him. 

“Come on Robert, don’t tell me you don’t want this?” Aaron said, pressing himself against Robert, both of them aware of Robert’s desire for him.

Robert’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment before he opened them, a determined look in his eyes. “Aaron, don’t. We’re friends, just like you said.”

Aaron pulled himself away from Robert, the rejection chipping away painfully at his already damaged heart. “Friends? Is that what we are? Are friends supposed to check up on each other every minute of the day? Are friends supposed to sleep in the same bed? You’re just doing this because you want to fuck me without a guilty conscience when the trial is over. That’s all you’ve ever wanted from me.” Aaron shouted.

Robert closed his eyes, letting Aaron lash out, he knew he needed this. He needed someone to take his anger and just be there for him, to reassure him. “Keep going Aaron, I’m not going anywhere. Shall we sit down?”

Aaron watched, disbelieving, as Robert sat down on the sofa, he felt his anger intensify. He was angry at Gordon for ruining him, angry at Robert for refusing to give him what he wanted, and angry at himself for lashing out at the man he loved.

“You don’t care, not really. You just feel bad for fucking around with the poor little abused kid. Bet you wish you’d never kissed me in that lay by now. You’ve always known I was tapped, even said it yourself.”

Robert stared ahead, but Aaron noticed him flinch at the words Aaron flung at him. He knew he was pushing Robert but he wanted him to fight back, he wanted him to stop treating him like a doll that would break at any moment. How was he supposed to try and fix himself if people kept treating him like he was broken beyond repair?

“That’s right, just ignore me. You always were good at that. Well I don’t need you, you practically messed up the whole case with that Ryan kid. Did you fancy him too? What was it? You can’t sleep with me anymore because I’m a mess so you thought you'd find a new dirty little grease monkey?” Aaron shouted, his face close to Robert’s.

“Do you think this is easy for me? Seeing you like this, hearing all this? I’m doing the best I can Aaron. I love you, and you know I want you and only you. I know I’ve been a fucking idiot in the past, I’ve messed everything up and I don’t even deserve a second chance with you. But I’m not going to give up. God, what can I do Aaron? I can’t take you upstairs and sleep with you when you’re like this. It’s the trial tomorrow Aaron, I know you’re upset and you’re scared and I’m here for you. Please don’t push me away.” Robert said, standing up to face Aaron.

Aaron felt tears running down his face at Robert’s words, he closed his eyes, ashamed of the things he’d said. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

Robert pulled Aaron towards him, gently rocking him as he cried, whispering softly in to his ear. “Don’t ever apologise to me, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“I need you so much Robert, I can’t do this without you.” Aaron sobbed, his words coming out incoherently.

Robert held on tightly to the man he loved, wishing he could protect him from everything but he knew that all he could do was be there for him and love him. He just hoped that would be enough.


End file.
